In the immediate aftermath of the revelation of a tape
showing Donald Trump expressing a demeaning, misogynistic and ultimately
controlling view of women, many pundits noted that what he said was not “locker
room talk,” stating that Trump’s disgusting ramble was far worse, and perhaps,
too, that “locker room” talk was okay.
Let’s consider “locker room” talk as a gray area of male
(and) female human behavior. Most of it tends to be aspirational—a discussion
of things one would like to do or plan on doing. “Locker room” talk does
involve a certain amount of objectification of women (of men when women do it),
but it’s fairly harmless as long as it is not spoken to the individual being
objectified and does not play out in sexist behaviors in which one person treats
another as a mere object. And some talk is
always off limits—as with racism, anything outwardly misogynistic belongs
nowhere, not in the locker room, not in the tavern, not in man cave in front of
a widescreen TV. For example, discussing the use of a rape drug. That’s no longer “locker room talk.” It’s
different and it’s disgusting.
And the overwhelming number of Americans—from radical
feminists to conservative Christians who feel a woman’s place is in the
home—knew immediately that what Trump said was and is different from jockish
banter—and is completely disgusting.
It is nevertheless instructive to take a look at the various
parts of what Trump said, beginning with context. We aren’t talking about a few
buds downing suds in a bar at which single men and women gather. Trump was on
the job.
Secondly, the audience was not Trump’s best bro, but a
business acquaintance, a television and radio host, which means he is part of
the media. This tape marks the first
known instance of a public figure crudely discussing the unsolicited groping of
female parts with the news media.
Now we come to the implications of what Trumpty-Dumpty
actually said. It was despicable, a manifestation
that he views women as objects he uses as he wants, for his sexual pleasure or
to demonstrate his high status.
The comments reek with abuse and revel in the lack of
consent they flaunt. Morality aside, if he had said he slept with a woman and
she was married, it would have been okay from the legal standpoint because we
assume consent. No one knows what goes on in a marriage—is it open?, was she an
abused wife?—so most people will not pass judgment a priori on a man sleeping
with a married woman, even while thinking the guy indiscrete to a fault to
break the confidence and tell someone else. But what Trump said was that he
kept pestering her, bothering her, cornering her. That’s always creepy, always
wrong, and pretty much always illegal.
Same thing goes for his statements about groping the
genitals of women without receiving prior permission to do so because he was a
star. If he had said that stars get to sleep with a lot of women or a lot of
women like to sleep with stars, some of us might be offended by the loose
sexual mores involved, but again, there was nothing illegal because the women
consented. It is the groping of a woman’s genitals without prior permission
that revolts us and convinces us that Trump is a vile woman-hater.
Interestingly enough, the language is fairly mild, if
revealing of Trump’s attitudes. Trump never uses the “c” word. Of course, “screwing,”
“sleeping with,” “going to bed with,” “making love with” (or in Trump’s case
“to”), “getting it on with”—there are numerous less offensive ways to express
sexual union than “fuck.” But Trump is talking about something he—the
all-powerful Donald—did to someone else—some good-looking bimbo—and what he did
or wanted to do was simple brutal, one-way “fucking.” But in the casual listen without analysis, we
hear “fuck” so much now in so many different contexts that it ceases to shock.
After all how many people got fucked in Trump’s many bankruptcies?
And what about the guy, the mediocre Billy Bush? He seems to
be going along with the flow of the conversation. Believe me, if someone said
to me that stars get to grope women’s private parts, I would have said, “No
they don’t, and why would they want to? A lot of women will willingly let a
star touch them anywhere. All he has to do is ask nicely. So only a sick person
would grope.” Bush lost his moral compass by not acknowledging what everyone
instantly recognized: Trumpty-Dumpty went over the line.
The apology was unacceptable. The tone was grudging, almost
defiant, which lent a hollow ring to the words. He said the statements he was
caught making on tape were “not what I am,” but did not apologize for the many
other misogynistic statements he has made about Megan Kelly, Carly Fiorina,
Rosie O’Donnell, Alicia Machado, Hillary Clinton and other women in only the
past few months. He also limited his
apologies to the comments, and said nothing about the actions that the comments
indicated he had committed. He implied without stating it is that all he did
was talk about it, that he didn’t really harass the married woman or slide his
hand up some young lady’s skirt uninvited. Even if we give him the benefit of
the doubt, which I don’t, what kind of a blow-hard is proud of sexually assaulting
women?
He made this very limited, very stiff apology worse by what
he said next. Turning the subject from the apology to the election issues was
in extremely poor taste, and then to go after Bill Clinton for his affairs
negated any positive intent or outcome from his contrition.
Trump essentially said, “I’m bad, but Bill’s worse and
Hillary’s as bad as Bill.”
But that’s not what people want to hear in an apology. They
want to hear, “I’m bad and I’m sorry about it. Here is what I’m going to do to
fix it.” They don’t want you talk about the other person’s transgressions, just
to deal with your own.
Trump mentioned no plan of rehabilitation. He is not
enlisting in a sensitivity training course. He is not contributing a few
million to fund public education programs that train men and women not to
condone rape and domestic violence. He has not agreed to become a spokesperson
or speak at events about what a reformed sinner looks like.
No, Trump thinks that a simple “I’m sorry” will suffice to
be forgiven and get the votes of American women and men.