By ROSIE SORENSON
Russia’s President Vladimir Putin and China’s President Xi Jinping, made a splashy show of unity, standing in front of massive flags of their respective countries, on Feb. 4, 2022, at the Bejing Olympics.
China’s Foreign Ministry proclaimed, “In a warm and friendly atmosphere, the two Presidents had an in-depth and thorough exchange of views on China-Russia relations and a series of major issues that concern international strategic security and stability.” In his meeting with Putin, Xi even congratulated both China and Russia for having “safeguarded the true spirit of democracy.”
Behind closed doors a different sort of discussion took place at President Xi’s palace. The dictators sat at a mammoth huanghuali table in the leader’s personal conference room, while interpreters stood beside them.
Putin flashed his reptilian smile as he leaned forward and listed for Xi all of his accomplishments toward bringing America to heel.
“I am proud to report that over 70% of the Republican party is now one gigantic sleeper cell—the largest cell in the world. Installing Trump as President made my job easier.”
“Admirable,” said Xi. “Tell me more, comrade.”
“You no doubt know all of the players: Ted Cruz, Ron Johnson, Jim Jordan, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Tucker Carlson, Clarence Thomas, Amy Coney Barrett, Neil Gorsuch, Leonard Leo, the entire Federalist Society and others. I could go on. They have been activated and are doing a superb job.
“Civil rights is now a thing of the past, no matter how much African Americans complain.
“Women’s rights? On their way out, thanks, in part, to Judge Amy Coney Barrett.
“Children’s rights? Thanks to book banning and book burning to come in many states, their brains will be limited to what our American comrades, such as Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott wish them to know.
“Voting rights? Being suppressed in 30 or more states. They’re eating their young and finding it tasty.”
President Xi says, with a satisfied smile, “We have each come a long way during our many years of friendship, yes?”
“Indeed,” Putin says. “One more version of Trump as president, Trump 2.0, and America is finished.”
“Very fine work, President Putin.” Xi rises up, walks forward to shake Putin’s hand. On the way out of the the conference room, Putin hands Xi a slim package, wrapped in shiny red paper.
As Xi accepts the gift, Putin nods toward it and says, “The 1962 version of ‘The Manchurian Candidate,’ dubbed into Chinese.”
“Many thanks. This one I’ve not yet seen.”
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com
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