By Marc Jampole
I had the strangest dream last night.
I had the strangest dream last night.
I was sitting on a bench against the wall in a large
ballroom filled with people dressed in formal wear. I was watching the
glitterati and listening to the band play swing music when Donald Trump sits
down beside me, shakes my hand and starts to brag about what a great job he is
doing to make the country safe. He stands erect, looking strong and in control
in his blue silk suit, power red tie, large gold cufflinks and spit-polished
black wing-tips. He’s friendly and self-assured. His eyes cast the kind of look
people give to those with whom they have reached a complete understanding.
I start to rip him a new one. I tell him the country is
already safe and that he is threatening the economy with his immigration
policy, his threat of tariffs, his meddling in the Affordable Care Act and his
desire to lower taxes on the wealthy.
Trumpty-Dumpty looks shocked and embarrassed that someone
disagrees with him. He winces at every fact I cite as if they were darts
piercing his flesh. He tries to respond to me after I spout that all crime,
violent crime, and terrorist acts have declined, but he can only manage to
sputter weakly the words “carnage” and “Chicago,” then falls silent. His body,
once projecting power, seems to soften and sink into itself.
I’m reciting a list of studies that prove public schools
outperform private ones when suddenly he jumps on my lap and starts to cry. He
bawls like a toddler, furiously kicking out his hands and feet, now suddenly
short and stubby, and shaking his head. He turns to me, his lower lip
protruding like a pregnant abdomen, his cheeks wet with running tears.
That’s when I wake up.
That’s the dream, exactly as I experienced it.
The background to my nocturnal encounter with a Trumpian
incubus was an epiphany I had earlier in the evening: that the country might be
lucky that Donald Trump won the Electoral College vote. Ted Cruz, John Kasich,
Jeb Bush, Mario Rubio or any other Republican would have been worse, because
unlike Trump, all are vocal supporters of cutting back Social Security and
Medicare benefits and all would have been happy to throw people off healthcare
insurance or give them significantly worse coverage. Trump has said he is
against cutting Social Security and Medicare and that his healthcare plan will
give universal coverage at lower costs. Moreover, we already see that Trump’s
unprofessional and chaotic style of leadership impedes legislative action. I
imagine that Cruz or Bush would have taken a much more organized approach.
Trump has done many terrible things, to be sure, and is
promising more. But other than immigration, we can be fairly certain that other
Republicans would have done much of the same. Dismantling environmental and
financial regulations, denying rights to transgender people, stopping
investigations of police misconduct, building up the military, cutting social
welfare programs—all the Republicans wanted these things. The difference is
they were competently knowledgeable about how to get things done in government.
They also seemed sane and therefore commanded more intellectual respect.
The premise upon which I build my (completely facetious)
case that Trump may be a blessing in disguise is that the United States is not
ready for a female president and that any Republican—the oily Cruz, the mealy
Bush, the self-righteous Kasich, the dim-witted Rubio—would have beat Hillary
Clinton by virtue of the fact that they are men and she is a women. It’s a
dismaying and horrifying thought—that so many men and women would refuse to
vote for a woman, or would hold a woman to a much higher standard of conduct
and achievement than they would a man. But how else to explain how someone with
Hillary Clinton’s track record, beliefs, record of ethical conduct and obvious
skills could lose in the Electoral College to an ignorant, inexperienced, erratic,
racist, misogynistic and self-centered buffoon?
Large numbers of people voted against their best interest. They
voted for their worst instincts. They voted for lies. All, so they could vote
for a man.
Very depressing.
I think I’ll go back to sleep and verbally slap The Donald
around a bit.
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